The Sweat Shoppe
"I just don't understand the appeal. It was like I was clubbing in a terrible hot sweaty club and I couldn't get out because I was strapped down." -Emily
Emily, I apologize I posted this photo for the world to see (and by world, I mean maybe 50 people who read my blog) but seriously.. I signed up for this class because of you so I really felt like I owed you one. We have been texting the past couple of hours since the class and we don't even know what happened to us. I think I have already blocked it out of my mind, like a painful memory I am trying to repress.
I feel bad for The Sweat Shoppe because I feel like no matter what, this is going to be an unfair review. I am sure this was indeed an amazing class for people who like to cycle in 90 degrees. I know people who are obsessed with this place. Spin places in general get a lot of love. The music was expertly choosen and I did enjoy that portion of hell, er, class. And thank you to the instructor, Briana , who took time out to strap me into the little foot holders on the bike because I really had no freaking clue how to do that.
I am typically an early bird, but I showed up to class as it was about to begin today. There was pesky street cleaning all around the building today. Side note- there is no free parking close, so be prepared to have to park at a meter. I had to fill out the new student form saying I wouldn't sue them if I died, which I am sure this is an important step because I could certainly see how someone could easily keel over. I was already assigned a bike, and lucky me, that happened to be in the dead center of the front row right in front of the instructor. Cool. Not like it's my very first spin class ever or anything.
The class was about to start, so I did not have a lot of time to ask questions. The maddness begins. Briana is telling me to go "up a notch!" And I seriously have no idea how to do that. I see the little nob on the bike but every time I try to turn it nothing happens. I sit down on my bike for a few seconds and twist it around (I think it was a little loose? or maybe it's supposed to be like that? Again I HAVE NO IDEA because I have nothing to compare it to) I finally got little nob to cooperate.
Another "goodish" thing I would like to say, you really forget any kind of problem going on in your real life at the time of the ride. I was so focused on how freaking hard it was and how unbelievably sweaty I was, there were no moments to think of anything else- so a perfect mind cleanser if you will.
We were riding in almost pitch black. The one window had those super thick window covers pulled down. The multi-colored strobe lights were on. The music was pumping. I was in a club. I couldn't really understand Briana too much becaue of the music but I just followed her along when she sat on the bike and would spin really fast and then lift her butt (third position?) and then spin hard again. I have no earthly idea if my nob was on the right number, ever. When I couldn't stand anymore, I just stopped moving nobber guy.
About half way through- someone left class. At first I thought this meant I was getting lucky and class was almost over, but no such luck. We had many more songs of torture to go. It made me feel a little better that someone else couldn't hack it. They probably just had to go to work, but I tell myself they couldn't take it either to make myself feel better.
I would love to say that class flew by. But I felt every unbearable minute. There was no clock which was also a mild form of torture because I had no idea how much longer I could stand.
A lot of this is my fault. I knew that taking spin was going to be extremely tough for me, so why I decided to take a HOT spin class was not genius. I also didn't know what I was doing, I should have gotten to class earlier to learn the bike more. I don't like cardio. I don't even like bikes. Hell, if we are being honest, I don't even know how to ride a real bike. I take full responsibility for my actions.
I POURED sweat. I actually feel hungover right now because I sweated so much. My ass hurts, I have blisters on my hands from gripping the handles so hard. I am a bloody hot mess.
I ended up knowing one of the other riders today and she asked me "so, when will you be coming back?!"
Nope. Never. Ever. In a Million Years....Would I do that to myself again.